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Flight Call

by Kevin G. Chan

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1.
Boxers HK 04:23
Say you want me when you're sober Is it really that much harder? I'm holding the three drinks meant for you Pallbearers from Boxers carrying you Wake me up when I am sober Oh that's right you left earlier Make me watch as you are drowning When you tell them you're not drowning If I drink too would I melt in your open arms Or will some other guy approach me and do me harm? Our friends don't have much to say about where the two of us stand So you'll move south and I'll go home with three drinks in my head I'll wait in your car until you're sober I'll wait all my life until you're better Tell me the things that make you feel bad And why you're scared of becoming your dad Say you love me when you're sober Oh that's right you left earlier Make me watch as you are drowning Can't you tell I am also drowning? If I drink too would I feel any closer to you Or will I collapse underneath my baggage too? We'll disappear and none of our friends will understand You'll leave them all and I'll go home with three drinks in my head The jacket you left in the basement of Boxers smells of wood From the fires that we lit all around the neighborhood Our friends don't have much to say about where the two of us stand So you'll move south and I'll go home with three drinks in my head
2.
Put on headphones to drown out the noise Unknown thoughts meandering through the Appalachian trails Under the moon Red envelopes filled with silence Reminding me of holes Made in Wilmington The sound of a saxophone A cat in the sun, alone While you drank by the fire I thread these thoughts together Until I'm left with more noise I waited 'til you could drive in a straight line What did you even say as we sat in your car? Your voice went soft, the rum converted into snowdrops in your eyes You wanted to thank me I felt like a knight in shining armor I was a father hen I was alive again But I was but another bird of prey Looking for their ken All that's never been Ganymede you were just a child when you were taken You have so much farther to fly So fly My body is open and wide Beyond the echoes of the lake Lovely Aquarian eyes My body curls up warm and tight Around a soft adjacent shape As I watch you rise And out of sight
3.
Rise 06:08
Why did you pull me away from my friends? Like a father tightly squeezed my hand Only to disappear Again and again in the end Why did he follow me to the bar When I told him we wouldn't go far? I was too drunk to hear Him scream at my face in the end Rise again Shine again Why did they look at me like some prize Without ever approaching the light? They brush their hands on me I don't follow them in the end You said I was hated by all of your friends Because I looked too much like them Stepping between us both They pulled you away in the end Rise again Shine again Rise again Shine again Three drinks is enough to leave me in shambles of unwed emotion Ten years from now after you have grown thinner you'll show me your children But you'll still be scared to grow Uncertain of where it will end Uncertain of where it will end I am (or I was?) a cruel imitation
4.
Libra On Ice 03:28
I am (or I was?) a glacier with water trickling down my sides to be imbibed my men, my stream of consciousness. So how have I slaked my own thirst for so long? A queer uncertainty hangs over my breath, invisible. What is a man to me but someone to throw into a singularity until it spits out feelings of gender and jealousy that I can pretend were mine? My body still contains me. My incapable hands clutch at his, wanting to push him in. Absin beckons fall The weight of expectation Collapses young hearts
5.
Barracuda 03:36
I was never a boy Am I doing this for a boy? I was never a boy Am I doing this for a boy? I was a winner, baby, twice now Even with one crown After all we've been through I finally found you But we don't know, know, know, know, know Where to go, go, go, go, go At Barracuda We could kiss the cub dancing next to us Tugging him by the tie he'll melt right into our open arms And you won't have to go away again Am I doing this for a boy? I'm not doing this for a boy Am I doing this for a boy? I'm not doing this for a boy But we don't know, know, know, know, know Where to go, go, go, go, go At Fire Island We could claim our space in the Pines Or telling them all to fuck off we'll sail away with open arms At Barracuda We could kiss the cub dancing next to us Tugging him by the tie he'll melt right into our open arms And you won't have to go away again
6.
We were an orphan in a storm Beaten and worn We were an orphan out of love Clothed in light above Is it right to be divided? In different times A different smile You are my beating heart I am your earthbound soul You are the name that I have long since abandoned Is it fine to lay silence When we are tired Of hearing others' lies? I am another part You are the afterglow I am the ghost that I see in our reflection Who was that orphan anyway? Who will we become today? My body is a constellation to another home Removed from men All we've ever been (We're not doing this for a boy) I am (or I will be?) A glacier stretching across an infinite sea Rise again Shine again The fires lit in the places where they used to stand Are a beacon for the ones searching for a familiar hand I'll wait all night until I'm sober I'll live my life so I'll get better Show me the days we spent apart And all the days that have yet to start

about

These songs evolved from songwriting workships with Phil Elverum and Bartees Strange. 3 songs named after gay bars in NYC reveal specific events that happened in those bars, and are each paired with a song named after an air sign in the zodiac that reflects on those events. Written and recorded in a bedroom in Elmhurst between November 2022 and April 2023

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released April 17, 2023

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Kevin G. Chan New York

Soft queen from Queens.

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